The Screen Savers, Free Book Extras


The Screen Savers, Book Extras include:
Deleted Passages
An update from Sockball
The story behind the book cover
And more

Grab a free pdf version of The Screen Savers Book Extras, here.

Alternately, you can upload an ebook version of the book extras to your reading device using bookfunnel, here.

If you haven't read The Screen Savers, find out more about this novel, here.

Finally, to be kept up to date with news about my writing, blog, comedy posts, films, and to get updates on more free stuff, sign up to my newsletter, here.

You can also follow me on my social media links below!

Prince Bryan

Louie Fooye -- 'bout time there was a royal named Bryan, IMHO. If they're not going to christen a Bryan, they're just going to have to marry one... I'm available, 'course. Not sure which royal I could bag at my age, but if it helps the Bryan cause, I'll do it -- as long as I don't have to wear brand new clothes every day -- that's the thing that would irritate me the most: it takes me more than a day to decide what to buy, and so even if I lived in the Gap, or Next or Tescos, I still couldn't find enough stuff. I'd just have to stay in the shop all the time until I had made up my mind what to wear. The weirdo hermit prince they'd call me! The prince that golems around the underbelly of Tescos trying on George clothing.

Anyway -- I'm single at the moment. So Royals, get a move on. I'm not going to ditch the love of my life, or even the love of my next month, if she turns up, just to help you guys out.

How To Embrace Rejection


Man to shop keeper:
   “Have you got an apron?”
   The shop keeper hands over an apron.
   The man looks at it, confused.
   “No, Ron, I asked if you have an ape. I'm a zookeeper, people aren't going to pay for that!”
   Ron reaches his hand down behind the counter and walks around it with a monkey.
   “No. I need an ape, Ron.”

See, if I had a time-machine, I could go back and sell that gag to the Two Ronnies. Darn. They could reject me too. Back in them days they'd probably do it themselves – wouldn't even need to get rejected by an agent. This would be my thing. I could leap back through time, getting rejected by all the greats. Maybe I'd let a few women reject me too – I mean, why not? Then I could come back and brag about it – "Marilyn Monroe, she rejected me", "Fay Wray", “The Mona Lisa” ... I mean, that's quite some collection of blow outs...  Knowing me, I'd get to the end of my collection -- I'd be going for a full set of "Women" and "Comedy" rejections, and some bugger would say "Yes". That would suck (please – no innuendos – it's not that kind of monologue). It would suck – it’d be just my luck to have a female historic icon say yes to a date just as I was about to complete my sticker book … I’d have to f*ck it up.
   “Are you sure, I’ve been rejected by all these women – they know what they’re talking about,” I could say, prodding her with my sticker book “– plus, look how rubbish I am at comedy” (showing her the comedy-rejection-book). “No?”

I guess the pinnacle for this kind of thing is today – less sexist Earth – where the comedians/comedy troops are women. It's more efficient that way. I could get rejected by comedienne, comedy duos both script-wise and then relationship wise. Awesome.

   "Hey Sarah Silverman stroke Amy Schumer (stop it), you want to be in my sketch?"
   "No.", "Nope"
   "No", "Ewwwwe"
   Quadruple tick and full house, and I wouldn't even have to build a time machine.

Yeah! 2018, you rock.


If you liked "How To Embrace Rejection", try:

Sketch: Chess Clock Timer.
Sexual inequality is occurring and there's only one way to fix it.

Novel: The Screen Savers.
Featuring comedy, mystery and offbeat romance

Stay up to date -- follow me on social media!

Mother's Day Goth

Mother's Day Goth

Why are all these Mother's Day cards so sickly-sweet?
   What do you do if your mum is a Goth?
   I guess you could rip the card up a little, and shit on it.
   Yeah, nice.

   Gives "Goth" card to mum.
   "?!," she says.
   "I thought you were a goth?"
   "Well, you wear a lot of black."
   "It's Chanel -- a little black dress -- like Audrey Hepburn."
   "Oh ... so you would prefer a card with pink flowers on then?"
   "Hmmm ... I'd better not give you your present then."

Read My Impact 50 Scripts Here!

The premise of Impact 50 is that a meteor strike is pending, the result is certain death and there is no solution or salvation. The film covers the period from announcement of the impeding disaster, to the final destruction of the planet. What a great concept.

You had to write a 2 minute scene that fits in with this premise, plus a 15 second ending which gets shown at the end of the film. Fifty scripts are chosen and woven into the final film. I didn't make the final script with these scripts, but I love them all, and so here they are, for you, if you want to read them -- 2 related dramas set in that scenario, plus a romantic comedy!

You can read or download my 2 minute screenplay submissions here:

Dead And Buried (Romantic comedy set at the end of the world)
Better Together (Drama)
Dash (Drama -- follows on from Better Together)

Part of the process of submission required you to read and give feedback on other scripts. There were some great submissions to the competition and I hope the final film is successful!

Tree of the Week

Tree Of The Week was created by a character from my novel, The Screen Savers. You can find out more about who created Tree Of The Week, and why, in the Book Extras to The Screen Savers, which can be downloaded, for free, as a pdf, here, or an ebook, here (via BookFunnel).

See all my Trees Of The Week, so far, here on my blog.

Follow me on social media links at the bottom of the page for updates about Humphrey and the other Trees Of The Week! 

If you like Tree Of The Week you might like:

Sketch: Basic Dave Buys a phone.  Basic Dave just wants a simple phone, but finding one is not easy. Will he have to compromise? 

Sketch: Basic Dave Buys a phone.
Basic Dave just wants a simple phone, but finding one is not easy. Will he have to compromise? 

Novel: The Screen Savers.  Featuring comedy, mystery and offbeat romance

Novel: The Screen Savers.
Featuring comedy, mystery and offbeat romance

Don't miss out on the love, people! Follow me on social media and get more.

Sketch: Basic Dave Buys A Phone

Basic Dave just wants a simple phone, but finding one is not easy. Will he have to compromise? *****Virgin Media Shorts "Pick of The Week"*****

Writer/Director Bryan Romaine
Starring Antonio Rochira & Jodyanne Fletcher.
Sound: Nicholas Payne

Want to see more films? Check out my film page, here.

You can watch more videos and connect with my YouTube channel
by clicking here:

Sign up to my newsletter, here,  to be kept up to date with new videos and other content!