How To Embrace Rejection


Man to shop keeper:
   “Have you got an apron?”
   The shop keeper hands over an apron.
   The man looks at it, confused.
   “No, Ron, I asked if you have an ape. I'm a zookeeper, people aren't going to pay for that!”
   Ron reaches his hand down behind the counter and walks around it with a monkey.
   “No. I need an ape, Ron.”

See, if I had a time-machine, I could go back and sell that gag to the Two Ronnies. Darn. They could reject me too. Back in them days they'd probably do it themselves – wouldn't even need to get rejected by an agent. This would be my thing. I could leap back through time, getting rejected by all the greats. Maybe I'd let a few women reject me too – I mean, why not? Then I could come back and brag about it – "Marilyn Monroe, she rejected me", "Fay Wray", “The Mona Lisa” ... I mean, that's quite some collection of blow outs...  Knowing me, I'd get to the end of my collection -- I'd be going for a full set of "Women" and "Comedy" rejections, and some bugger would say "Yes". That would suck (please – no innuendos – it's not that kind of monologue). It would suck – it’d be just my luck to have a female historic icon say yes to a date just as I was about to complete my sticker book … I’d have to f*ck it up.
   “Are you sure, I’ve been rejected by all these women – they know what they’re talking about,” I could say, prodding her with my sticker book “– plus, look how rubbish I am at comedy” (showing her the comedy-rejection-book). “No?”

I guess the pinnacle for this kind of thing is today – less sexist Earth – where the comedians/comedy troops are women. It's more efficient that way. I could get rejected by comedienne, comedy duos both script-wise and then relationship wise. Awesome.

   "Hey Sarah Silverman stroke Amy Schumer (stop it), you want to be in my sketch?"
   "No.", "Nope"
   "No", "Ewwwwe"
   Quadruple tick and full house, and I wouldn't even have to build a time machine.

Yeah! 2018, you rock.


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