Man to shop keeper:
“Have you got an apron?”
The shop keeper hands over an apron.
The man looks at it, confused.
“No, Ron, I asked if you have an ape. I'm a zookeeper, people aren't going to pay for that!”
Ron reaches his hand down behind the counter and walks around it with a monkey.
“No. I need an ape, Ron.”
See, if I had a time-machine, I could go back and sell that gag to the Two Ronnies. Darn. They could reject me too. Back in them days they'd probably do it themselves – wouldn't even need to get rejected by an agent. This would be my thing. I could leap back through time, getting rejected by all the greats. Maybe I'd let a few women reject me too – I mean, why not? Then I could come back and brag about it – "Marilyn Monroe, she rejected me", "Fay Wray", “The Mona Lisa” ... I mean, that's quite some collection of blow outs... Knowing me, I'd get to the end of my collection -- I'd be going for a full set of "Women" and "Comedy" rejections, and some bugger would say "Yes". That would suck (please – no innuendos – it's not that kind of monologue). It would suck – it’d be just my luck to have a female historic icon say yes to a date just as I was about to complete my sticker book … I’d have to f*ck it up.
“Are you sure, I’ve been rejected by all these women – they know what they’re talking about,” I could say, prodding her with my sticker book “– plus, look how rubbish I am at comedy” (showing her the comedy-rejection-book). “No?”
I guess the pinnacle for this kind of thing is today – less sexist Earth – where the comedians/comedy troops are women. It's more efficient that way. I could get rejected by comedienne, comedy duos both script-wise and then relationship wise. Awesome.
"Hey Sarah Silverman stroke Amy Schumer (stop it), you want to be in my sketch?"
Quadruple tick and full house, and I wouldn't even have to build a time machine.
Yeah! 2018, you rock.
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